moldava | June Smut: Sand castles (1/2)

I have hesitated long before posting this utter piece of schmoop, but it wouldn't leave me alone, it screamed to be posted.

*shrugs helplessly, still not sure this makes any sense*

Title: Sand castles
Author:

moldava
Pairing: SB/VM
Rating: this part PG-13, I think
Feedback: would love it, thanks
Disclaimer: not mine, only in my dreams
Archive: Rugbytackling; Green Opals
Notes: warnings for disastrous schmoop; many thanks for

nieninque121 for read-through of the first draft, it's been extensively re-written since so any mistake is all my own; the beach described does exist, it's on Magnetic Island in Queensland, Australia. If I can find my pic of it I'll scan and add it here.

Sand castles - 1/2

"Three whole fucking days off, it sounds almost too good to be true," Sean commented as he closed the door of the trailer behind him. "Let's go away from the set quickly, before PJ has time to think it over and change his mind. I'm going to keep my cellphone off, just in case. If they cannot find me, they cannot call me back.." he grinned slyly and winked at Viggo.

"You look like someone who has something special planned.." Viggo remarked, eyeing the unusual spark in Sean's green eyes, something that had been missing too often since Sean had come back after flying to England to meet with the divorce lawyers. "What is it, a hot date?" he asked casually as they walked together to where their cars were parked.

"A hot date? Me?" Sean snorted as if amused, but there was a touch of bitterness underlying his tone that didn't escape Viggo's notice. "Date is a word I've deleted from my vocabulary. I've had enough of relationships and dating for quite a bit. Thanks but no thanks, not for me. I want to spend these three days by myself, being quiet, and being lazy, and keeping my mind empty of all thought.." he leaned against the car door, as if reluctant to get inside and leave Viggo's company, in spite of what he had just said about wanting to be by himself.

Viggo fiddled for a moment with his car keys, as if trying to make up his mind about something, then looked up.

"If you've got nothing special planned, how about joining me on the beach tomorrow afternoon? I plan to sleep in late and do some painting in the morning when the light is right. Then I'll be heading for the beach. I've found a small place that is quiet and secluded. I can assure you that there will be no noisy hobbits or groping elves around there, just sand and sun and waves. And me… But I can promise you I won't be a troublesome date.." Viggo's face split in a quick, mocking grin that showed wolfish teeth.

Sean frowned, intrigued and suspicious at the same time.

"What exactly do you have in mind?" he asked.

"Why, nothing..," Viggo replied, the wolfish grin smoothing into an innocent, wide-eyed look. "I'm going there anyway. I'll bring my notebooks, something to read, a cooler with food to cook over a fire when the sun sets, and something to drink. I don't know, I might even bring a sleeping bag and spend the night there, pouring out my most secret secrets to the Southern Cross, sleeping with the sound of the waves to lull me.. I haven't made up my mind about that yet.." he scratched his Aragorn stubble, making a soft noise that for no apparent reason triggered a small shiver across Sean's body, and shrugged. "From what you just said about your plans for these days off I thought it might be something you could enjoy too."

Sean was still not convinced he'd heard the whole story, but Viggo's plan did have a lot of appeal to it and he knew that if he stayed home by himself as he'd said, he would end up feeling bored and restless, thinking about things he did not want to think about, and so he would go out to get drunk, so that he could silence the ghosts. Maybe he'd been doing that too often lately, maybe it was time to stop hiding to lick his wounds.. And Viggo was a good mate, he knew he would enjoy spending time in his company.

"Cook something over a fire, eh?" he asked. "Promise it won't be roadkill rabbit and I just might take you up on your offer.."

"I promise, ranger's honour," Viggo declared, his face serious, his eyes full of mirth. "Fish… Is fish all right with you? I've never run a fish over with my car, I swear."

"Only because it never occurred to you before now, you crazy nutter," Sean grumbled good-naturedly. "And rangers have no honor, it's a well-known fact in Gondor. I'll bring some wine, I don't trust you to bring something decent to drink."

"My, aren't we in a sweet mood today. Some orc stepped on your toe? You're paying me one compliment after the other. I'm surprised you're willing to spend time with me seeing what little trust you have in me.."

Sean reached out his hand and grabbed Viggo's shoulder giving it a light squeeze.

"You're my best mate, Viggo, I would trust you with my life.. The rest's just jokes between friends.. Yes, I would love to join you on the beach. I would even drink your horrible mate and eat your roadkill rabbit if you asked me to."

"Ah, but I won't ask you to. Not on a first date at least, I reckon that such intimacies should come only later on, when I'm sure that your intentions are honorable ones…" Viggo laughed and jumped back as Sean pushed himself off the car and tried to tackle him with a growl.

"I really must be crazy to go along with your plan. I'd probably be safer even with Orlando and the hobbits," Sean huffed, making a face at Viggo and opening the car door. "So, how do I get to this private beach of yours?" he asked.

Viggo grinned, pleased, and gave Sean some rambling but detailed instructions on how to reach his special beach. He watched Sean get into the car and start the engine, then he leaned in through the open car window and quickly kissed Sean's nose.

"I'm glad you said yes, honey," he purred, then jumped back before a spluttering, purple-faced Sean could get out of the car and give chase.

~*~

Sean stepped out of the car and looked around.
Viggo's car was there, so he knew he was in the right place, but the beach remained hidden from the road and Viggo himself was nowhere to be seen.
He quickly grabbed out of the trunk a cooler and a duffel bag and took the narrow track that winded through tall, dry shrubbery and led down to the shore.

The beach that opened before him at the end of the track was a small, perfect half-moon nestled between two outcrops of rock that shielded it from view and from the wind. Sean took a deep breath of air that smelled like sea salt and shrubs baking in the sun and felt better than he had in a long time.

He could see Viggo now, and he laughed at what he saw. A fucking sand castle, Viggo was building a sand castle… How long since he'd made one? Years, he thought, vaguely remembering helping the girls build one when they were still quite small.

He kicked off his shoes, relishing the simple pleasure of digging his toes into the almost too-hot sand and trotted up to Viggo with a huge smile on his face.

Viggo looked up and waved at Sean, standing up and brushing distractedly some of the sand that had stuck to his body when he'd laid down flat on his stomach to work on the battlements of his sand castle.

"Hey Viggo, this place is fantastic," Sean dropped his stuff on the ground and quickly stripped down to tanned skin and red swimming shorts. He took a good look around... For all his nuttiness, Viggo had found a little paradise and made himself quite comfortable he noted, taking in the stack of dry driftwood ready for the fire, the cooler placed under a shady bush and the rolled sleeping bag. A notebook lay abandoned on a beach towel where Viggo had probably dropped it when he'd decided to go play with the sand instead of communing with his writing muses.

"I'm glad you approve of it," Viggo grinned. "Just don't ever mention it in front of the youngsters or they'll all come trooping out here and the place will become a three-ring circus."

"You can bet I won't!" Sean swore as if horrified by the mere idea of this lovely, quiet place filled by that loud, raucous bunch. "You don't mind my coming here though, do you?"

"No, sweetheart, I don't mind.. It will be our secret.. We'll always meet here where no one will know about our secret trysts.." Viggo replied coyly, batting his eyelashes at Sean and blowing him a kiss.

"You!!" Sean growled. "You, crazy fucker.." He rushed to tackle Viggo but his movement was slowed down by the soft sand and Viggo spun out of reach and ran towards the surf, with Sean chasing after him.

When they reached the breakers Viggo turned around and lunged at Sean, laughing and tackling him into the shallow surf.

They ended up half-kneeling, half-sprawling against each other on the sand and for a moment everything stilled, as if frozen in time. For a moment there was only the feel of wet, half-naked bodies pressing against each other, fitting into each other as if made for each other.
Then a bigger wave crashed against them, breaking the spell, and they slowly moved away, releasing the breath they hadn't even realized they were holding.

Sean drew back, his face blank and guarded, and waded further into the water, then he seemed to relax and shouted at Viggo over the sound of the crashing waves.

"Hey, c'mon Vig, we might as well have a swim now since we're already wet."

Viggo's eyes were somber as he watched Sean dive into the waves. He followed suit but by the look on his face his mind was very far away.

~*~

When they returned to the shore, dried themselves off and sat down on the towels to warm up, things seemed to be back to normal, to the friendly chatting and teasing.

Something was different, though.

The comfortable, companionable silences that had always been there between them had subtly changed, they had become pauses made for studying each other when the other was looking away.
The brief, casual touches now lingered for that extra fraction of a second that seemed to turn a chance brushing of bodies into a sending out of feelers.

Still the afternoon stretched out pleasurably, and the sand castle they built together grew to rival the towers of Minas Tirith as the men of Gondor played and laughed and teased each other like kids until the sky darkened and the first stars came out.

The fire burned brightly, sending sparks high into the night as they passed a bottle of wine back and forth and waited while the fish and potatoes cooked slowly over the fire.

There was laughter as they drank, and ate with their fingers, and smiled at the stars, but now and then one of them would still for a moment, trapped in the dancing light of the fire like a wild creature sensing an unknown presence, as if seeing within the flames the potential for more than this casual friendship. Then he would shake himself free of the vision and offer the other an apologetic smile, mentally berating himself for seeing things that could not - should not - be there, for suddenly wanting more than just a friendship.

~*~

Sean stretched and looked at his wristwatch.

"I guess it's time for me to get going," he said, stifling a yawn.

Viggo had been following the slow, lazy movement of Sean's body with hooded eyes, but he didn't reply.

"Oi Viggo, you still awake?" Sean asked, thinking to himself that right then Viggo looked so much like Strider hanging back in the shadows of the inn in Bree that it made his breath stop for a moment.

Viggo nodded, but his eyes remained fixed on the fire, refusing to meet Sean's.

"Stay.." he whispered softly.

"Stay? But…"

Viggo interrupted Sean before he could go on.

"You're tired, I can see that. We've both had quite a bit of wine and you're probably above the limit."

"Vig, I've driven a car with far more booze in me than the bottle of wine we've shared.."

"The road is dark, there could be orcs about.." Viggo improvised.

"Try again mate, I am not afraid of orcs," Sean snorted, amused, pulling himself up to his knees with a groan and preparing to rise to his feet.

"You should be, my steward.. Then stay because I ask you to.. because I hope you will.. because.. you wish to.." Viggo said, his voice low but unusually clear, ending on a note that hovered between a question and a plea.

Sean froze in his tracks.

"Viggo…" the way he said the name was a warning in itself… don't tread on this ground, it seemed to say.

"No Sean, I will not shut up. I owe it to myself, to you, I owe it to us.. to the chance that there might be a thing called us.." Viggo pushed the dark Aragorn hair back from his face and looked up, searching for the right words, desperately wanting Sean to understand. "We both felt something today, you know it and I know it. Please believe me, despite all the date thing jokes what happened wasn't deliberate, it wasn't planned, but still it happened. Because it was already there, because it was something that had been buuilding for god knows how long. I don't want to spend the next days, the next weeks hiding from it, pretending nothing's changed. I don't want to hide from myself, and I hope you will show the same honesty. To me. To yourself."

"Viggo, you know you're talking of things I cannot feel, I cannot allow myself to feel. Feeling always brings pain eventually.. I don't want any more pain, I cannot take it.. and I don't want to bring pain to others, even more so to a friend like you."

Viggo rose from his side of the fire and went to sit by Sean's side, leaving room between them, sensing that Sean needed space right now or he'd bolt into the night like a trapped wild creature.

He was scared himself, scared that he wouldn't be able to make Sean understand that they didn't have a choice, not anymore, that there could be no hiding, no going back, not after the way they had felt when they'd been plastered against each other while tussling in the water.

"Sean, I'm your friend, I know how devastating this new divorce has been for you, how reluctant you are to let yourself feel something again.. But, can't you see? It's happened already, you are feeling something, or you would be able to brush me off easily right now. I've seen you do it often enough with other people from the cast who tried having a go at you.. A joke, a shrug, and on you went. You haven't done that with me.. please, tell me this is different for you too.."

Viggo's fingers digged into the still-warm sand, as if they needed something to busy themselves with, something to keep them away from touching Sean, from making that spark between them flare up again to prove his point.

"But it will hurt.." Sean's voice was very small. "I know it will hurt in the end. I'm no good at making things work.. It will end as it always has.. with you hating me. I cannot bear the thought of you hating me, Viggo.." Sean lifted his face from his absorbed observation of Viggo's fingers, showing Viggo eyes that were full of darkness and desperate longing.

"Oh fuck, come here," Viggo swore, reaching out for Sean and pulling him against his body, wrapping his arms around him and offering him a place to let go, offering him the freedom of having the decision taken out of his hands.

Please, let me do this right, let all the pain be mine only if pain there must be.. Viggo prayed silently as Sean returned the hug so tightly and hungrily that Viggo felt the air being squeezed out of his lungs.

Viggo could feel Sean taking deep breaths and murmuring against the skin of his neck, words that made no sense, broken fragments Sean needed to get rid of so that he could be whole again.

"Better now?" Viggo asked softly when after a while Sean quietened in his arms, still hugging him close.

Sean nodded against Viggo's neck, then pulled back his head so that their eyes could meet.

"You know,Viggo, it's like the sand castle we built today.. You build and build, and it grows, and it's beautiful, so fucking beautiful it takes your breath away. You feel like it's going to be there forevere. Then someone stumbles or carelessly kicks some sand on it, or a wave comes, and all you have is a mound of dirt.. And you realize that all the effort you put into building it is wasted, all the beauty is gone and you're left with nothing to show.." Sean sighed softly and lifted his hand to rub his face, looking almost surprised to find it wet with tears.

"Shhh," Viggo murmured, daring to thread his fingers through the tousled blond hair and stroking gently. "What you're saying is right, but it's also wrong. Look at our sand castle.. It's out there in the darkness, or it could not be there anymore for all I know. But if I close my eyes I see it.. I know I laughed with you as we built it, and I know we made it together, and that it was beautiful.."

The gentle hand slid down from Sean's nape to his neck, to his chest.

"When you build a sand castle the right way you build it to last, in the only place that matters.. here," Viggo said softly, his hand stopping over Sean's heart.

"Then you have already built your castle in here," Sean replied quietly, putting his hand over Viggo's. "What you said before is right, something has been building between us. I've been denying it to myself, but still it kept growing, it wouldn't go away no matter how hard I tried to hide from it.."

Sean took Viggo's face into his hands, marveling at how good, how right it felt to do that.

"There is no one else I could have built this castle with," Sean whispered. "Because you're the only one I care about, the only one for whom I'm ready to risk getting hurt again, the only one who's worth it. You're my friend.." he traced Viggo's lips with unsteady fingers, "and I hope you'll let me be your lover."

"There is nothing I want more than that.." Viggo bent to brush his lips all over Sean's face, tasting salt, and wind, and hope. "But I don't want to rush you. I want you to have time to come to terms with what you've discovered tonight and think it over. And I want you to say again that you want to be my lover tomorrow, after you've had some rest."

"So are you sending me home tonight?" Sean asked, fear and loneliness creeping into his voice.

"Not on your life," Viggo smiled and briefly rubbed his lips over Sean's. "You're not going anywhere. You will stay right here with me and you'll sleep in my arms in my sleeping bag. And if tomorrow morning you're still of the same mind I'll make love to you until you won't even remember your own name."

"You sound terribly Aragorn-ish.." Sean gave Viggo a shaky smile and a quick squeeze and got to his feet with a groan, offering Viggo a hand up. When they were both standing he put his arms around Viggo and leaned into him.

"I won't change my mind, you know," he said.

"That is what I hope.." Viggo tightened the hold of his arms around Sean's body. "But still I want to give you time, I want you to be sure." Viggo hugged Sean close, then grinned wickedly. "And in all cases it always makes a good impression to behave circumspectly on a first date. Tomorrow's another day, so tomorrow morning will be our second date.." He leaned to whisper seductively into Sean's ear. "You know what happens on second dates, don't you, sweetheart?"

Sean laughed.. "You are devious, you know that?"

"You forget I am a ranger.." Viggo grinned.

TBC

Current Mood: apologetic
Current Music: Bruce Springsteen: Worlds apart

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

thalassatx.livejournal.com

*whimper* "But it will hurt.." Sean's voice was very small. "I know it will hurt in the end. I'm no good at making things work.. It will end as it always has.. with you hating me. I cannot bear the thought of you hating me, Viggo.."

*sniff*

Can't wait for part 2!

From:

June Smut: Sand castles (1/2)

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